just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
