awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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