Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
