the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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