i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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