I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
