he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
