OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
