Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
