Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
