five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
