I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
