So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize