I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
