I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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