I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found puke in my bra..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
