I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
thus making me awesome and them whores
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
