oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
