Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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