So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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