I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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