....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
