I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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