This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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