Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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