I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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