shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
