My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
