god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
