You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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