I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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