I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
