You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
