Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
