And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
