we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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