ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
