i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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