girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
