You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
