he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
