My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Still dying that you shit outside
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
