Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
