I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
