U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
