I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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