Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I need moral support for this bender
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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