The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize