I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
