The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
