Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
