Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i think i have herpe
just one?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
