So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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