I want to have your abortion
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
