totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We need to get me chipped asap
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