hotel room ftw
I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
