My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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