he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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