The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
