I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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