You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
