He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
