too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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