its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
