I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
