i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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