I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
