New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
