The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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