So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
