The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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