I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
