You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
