if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
