Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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