Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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