This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The Olympian is in my bed
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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