Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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