you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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