jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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