I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
